ikea

The last few days have been busy. Basically, after work, I've been bombing to the God's arse of nowhere in New York state and New Jersey to find the Swedish megastore. Why? Cos I've got a new flat that's totally empty.

Anyway, I was standing outside in the Ikea carpark waiting for a bus, here at 9p.m. loaded down with bags wishing I had a car. It was about -5C and windy. And the middle of nowhere. With 40 mins til the next bus.

So this guy is the only person waiting with me. He's wearing a short coat, jeans and a beret. Hardly suitable attire for the biting cold. He's chainsmoking and looks a bit dishevelled. He asks the time politely and we get talking. He speaks with an incredibly gruff voice and a thick NY accent.

He has no shopping so I ask if he works at Ikea. Turns out that he does but for a temping firm who supply bodies. He has to work for them, for minimum wage since he's just come out of jail for assault. He was in a bar and some guy came at him with a pool cue, he says. He punched the guy, shattered his jaw and sent it up into this guy's brain. Luckily he this guy didn't die. At this point I'm mildly concerned but there's a cop car 20 metres away for some reason. Possibly keeping tabs on my new friend? I wonder.

Turns out though that he'd done Federal time before that and been in County jails. He really seemed an unlikely con though - very intelligent, articulate and extremely polite. He said he used to be a school teacher and said he lamented the fact that at over 25 years old, he could not get further education in prison and said how it cuts your support, friends, finances and family away from you. He said NJ was much harsher than NY (note to self: commit crimes in NY state if possible).

After some more chat, a youngish lass came and sat down at the bus stop whilst my new friend and I chatted, his every other word being "f_cking/f_cked/f_ckers", which I wasn't going to call him on. Anyway, as he was telling me how much money the DoC (Department of Corrections) makes per inmate per day cos they're leased out to AT&T call centres (!!!), she rather vigorously corrected him. "Blimey" I thought. Turns out she works in one of the prisons he had just been in! "How queer!" I thought.

She was pretty forthright and disagreed or undermined some of what the con was saying, which was bloody dumb/brave from where I was standing - this guy looked well hard and was obviously prone to a bit of slap and tick... punch. He was the epitome of good manners though, letting her talk over him repeatedly without getting even agitated.

Ikea's cool.